Saturday, May 9, 2015

Mothers Day...What's It To Ya?

Mother's Day can be a joyous/difficult/both time for caregivers.

For some caregivers, Mother's Day is a time to revel in the fact that they still have their mother. They can see the future and coming challenges, but having Mom and being able to show her they love her and having her recognize that she is loved can be wonderfully special.

For other caregivers, Mother's Day is a challenging time. She may be difficult to deal with, in pain, unaware of the caregivers' presence. Seeing Mom in this state can cause feelings ranging from resignation to resentment, from pity to searing pain...sometimes all the emotions within seconds.

This past week a friend of mine was informed that his mother had passed away. He had been estranged from her for 40 years. When I talked with him about his loss it was apparent that he had compartmentalized his feelings, but the pain poured out of him like a bucket with a hole in the bottom. Not everyone has wonderful memories of Mom.

I don't envy the folks whose mothers are still alive and vital; I'm glad for them.  I had over 80 wonderful years with my mother and thousands of great memories.

As I've mentioned, my mother is 86 and an Alzheimer's sufferer who has no idea who I am when I walk in the room. She won't have a clue that Sunday is Mothers Day. However, she knows when she sees me that I am someone who loves her and she knows she loves me. In fact, she whispered it to me a few days ago. As you can imagine, at those times my heart goes on a roller coaster ride.

On Mothers Day I'll greet her with cards and the chocolate she loves. I'll read the cards to her multiple times and she'll gladly take the chocolate I offer. She'll smile and laugh at the silly things I say to try and make her smile.

And maybe, just maybe, she'll tell me she loves me.

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